Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
