I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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