Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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