I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
