Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize