I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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