We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
