He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
