It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
