just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
