went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
