He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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