look no pants
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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