How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize