New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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