also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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