you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
