No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
