so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
