yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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