maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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