Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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