he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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