Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
