I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
