we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love having hate sex.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
