Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
