I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
