I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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