At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
