dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
