Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
