idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize