Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize