I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
