Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
