I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
