I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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