my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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