the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They have beer where we have blood.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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