so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
