'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
