Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
