she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
