shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
