you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
did i just pee glitter
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
