I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
