Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
