all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
