You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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