I'm going to jail i love you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
