So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
