weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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