If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
