so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
