i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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