dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
