I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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