I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
