He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
