good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
