Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
