"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
