Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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