why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
