will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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