he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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