this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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