why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
