We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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