for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Vodka?
Forever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
