We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
