Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
