I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
