This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
