And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
