I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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