okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
