i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
