you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
