Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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