I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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