I don't usually arrange sex via text message
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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