We're facebook friends in real life
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
