guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
